But society punishes us if we don’t do it. Hiding our real selves leads to emotional repression, an inability to be genuine with anyone, and a cognitive tax that diminishes the million more interesting things we could be doing with our minds. Neither of us had made an easy decision: “masking” your autism is not good, but it is encouraged. One of my autistic friends who has known me since university was puzzled to watch as I went from doing less than her to blend in, to doing more. I only look people in the eye to accommodate their needs. It feels way too intense when I don’t know someone well. To me, the need for eye contact is bizarre. We’re just as good as anyone else, but we’re a widely misunderstood minority and we have to conduct ourselves accordingly. I have to do all this because most non-autistic people cannot competently adapt to my way of talking, and so the burden falls on me to adapt to theirs.

And I don’t have to do all this because autistic people are objectively worse at communicating. Actually, it’s the opposite: I love everyone and I give every conversation my all, which is exhausting. None of this is because I dislike people. Don’t laugh, because my laughter can just as easily mean I’m sad or shocked as that I’m amused, but they mightn’t see it that way if they’re describing their grandma’s funeral.

How should I tilt my jaw? When should I tilt my jaw? Don’t fidget, though it helps me puzzle things out, because they’ll think I’m nervous and try to “help” me and then I’ll lose my train of thought. When I’m really, properly listening to people, my face is blank this often makes them think I’m bored, so I redistribute some of my concentration to intermittently changing my expression. If there’s a sudden noise, I have to hide that I’m now thinking about the source and nature of said noise. It’s the opposite: I love everyone and I give every conversation my all, which is exhausting (Possibly both replies are interchangeable, but I’ve noticed a pattern and will stick to it pending further information.) I need to script and consciously deploy all of this because I have no filter and even less autopilot. When they say “Have a good day”, say “The same to you” if they’re Irish, or “You too” if they’re not. When they request advice, back up the thing they’re already planning on doing, or dispense a platitude that would not withstand the mildest scrutiny. Say their name around as often as they say mine. The verbal ones: when a casual acquaintance asks how I am, there are several permissible answers and all of them are lies. There are some autistic people who rarely or never speak.

Exciting times naoise dolan ending